- Wow! It's a giant piggy bank! - We're rich!
We found it!
- Gold and silver all over the place! - It's gold, we did it!
Hold the lantern.
Coins! Rich stuff.
What year was the map made?
I don't know.
Probably a couple hundred years before President Lincoln.
George Washington.
- Martin Sheen. - That's President Kennedy, you idiot!
Well, same difference! I mean, he played Kennedy once.
That's smart. I'm glad you're using your brain.
- At least I have a brain! - You're so stupid, Mouth.
- Oh, yeah? - Yes.
Shut up! Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
This isn't gold. This is a wishing well. Look.
Hey, it must be the old Moss Garden wishing well.
I used to believe when you threw money in, it turned into your wish.
- I'll take two of your coins. - That's not fair.
- Wait, wait, wait, you can't do this. - Why?
Because these are somebody else's wishes.
They're somebody else's dreams.
Yeah, but you know what?
This one, this one right here...
...this was my dream, my wish.
And it didn't come true. So I'm taking it back.
I'm taking them all back.
Come on, One-Eyed Willy, what does this have to do with the map?
Is this another one of your tricks?
Maybe we should keep him alive in case he isn't lying.
Good idea, Jake. Put him in with your brother.
Okay, Ma.
Come on, kid.
- You dropped something. - What's that?
- Holy shit. - We found it on the map.
It has to do with the buried treasure.
Jake, look at the date on it.
This is an authentic doubloon.
Give it to me.
I told you so.
See, you guys? You never believed me. I said there was gonna be buried...
Troy, how far you got with Andy?
All the way, buddy?
You guys are so immature. Grow up.
- Come on, tell us. - Really.
Put it this way: I didn't make it with her yet.
And I stress "yet".
What the hell?
- What'd you wish for? - To make it with Andy.
Hey, who's down there?
Hey, guys, it's Troy!
Sounds like Andy.
Andy!
Is that you?
Yeah, it's me. We're stuck down here. Please send down the bucket.
What the hell are you doing at the bottom of a well?
Don't ask stupid questions! We're stuck! Just send down the bucket!
See, guys? Wishes do come true.
All right, my hearties, follow me!
Don't worry. I brought you more food.
Why are you locking me in here?
- You're not too tight. - Yes, it is.
If you get out, I'll break your legs.
What are you doing?
If you sit too close to the TV, you'll screw up your eye.
Jake, leave him alone!
Come on! Let me out.
Hi, sir. My name's Lawrence.
Sometimes people call me Chunk.
Help! Let me out of here!
Who knows what we'll find.
Okay, let's go.
Whoa, look at this. Look how deep it is down there.
Jake, you first.
I ain't gonna go first.
- Go! - Can't argue with that, Ma, all right.
Troy, throw the bucket down.
Hey, you guys, I'm the smallest. I want to go first.
Get out! I'm the oldest, so I call the shots. Andy goes first.
Chester Copperpot.
Chester Copperpot!
Don't you see?
Don't you realize? He was a pro! He never made it this far.
Look how far we've come. We've got a chance.
Chance at what, Mikey? Getting killed?
Look, if we keep going, someone's really gonna get hurt. Maybe dead.
We've got to get the police.
Maybe Chunk got the police.
Maybe Chunk is dead.
Don't say that. Never say that. Goonies never say "die"!
I'm not a Goonie. I want to go home.
I forgot. But still!
Don't you realize? The next time you see the sky...
...it'll be over another town.
The next time we take a test...
...it'll be in some other school.
Our parents, they want the best of stuff for us.
Now they got to do what's right for them.
Because it's their time. Their time!
Up there.
Down here it's our time. It's our time down here.
That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket.
Andy!
You Goonie!
Spread it around.
You try to make your frosting look rugged.
Chocolate.
Want a candy bar? Look, I got a Baby Ruth.
Sir?
Ruth, Ruth, Ruth, Baby Ruth.
I'm gonna throw it to you.
I'm sorry, sir! I tried to give it to you.
Oh, I'm sorry!
I'm really sorry. I'll get you a... I'll get you a...
Jeez, mister, you're even hungrier than I am.
Booby traps. It's only booby traps. Why you being such a sissy?
Freaking kids.
- Kids must've cleaned him out. - Right before they ate him.
Stupid.
Follow them size fives.
Sloth.
Chunk.
Sloth.
Chunk.
Man, you smell like Phys. Ed.
Mouth, hold this. Translate this.
"Copper bones.
Westward foams.
Triple stones".
This must be copper bones.
Oh, sorry.
Wow. Look at that.
Triple stones!
We got you, One-Eyed Willy. We're right behind you.
Why couldn't I have had a sister?
A little sister instead of that?
No, that's too big. Try the middle one.
- You guys are crazy. - No, the middle one!
- It fits, Mikey! It fits! - We got it!
- We got you, One-Eyed Willy. - Which way do we turn?
West. Counterclockwise.
Counterclockwise.
Try it, Mikey. Try it. Yeah, yeah!
What the hell is that?
It's gonna fall on us!
It's one of Willy's tricks. Move!
- He's gone. - Oh, no.
- Truly, truly gone. - Don't be dead.
Pinchers of Peril. You guys, I've been saved by my Pinchers of Peril.
He's alive! He's alive!
You guys, I'm in another room!
Hello, sheriff? I'm at the Lighthouse Lounge...
...and I want to report, well, a murder.
Wait a minute. Just hold on here. Is that you again, Lawrence?
Sheriff, look, this time I'm telling you the truth.
I'm locked inside the Fratellis' basement with this guy.
Rocky Road?
Like the time 50 Iranian terrorists...
...took over the Sizzler steak houses?
Sloth, get back here. Hold on. Sloth, what are you doing?
Like the prank about creatures that multiply when you throw water on them?
Sloth! Sloth! Sloth's going into the fireplace!
Lawrence?
- No, Sloth, it's just your echo. - Echo!
No, I'll show you! Don't go down there!
It's all dark down there, Sloth.
It's your echo, Sloth. Echo.
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Pee break. Who's got to go?
- Me. - Me.
Me.
This is the little boys' room and that tunnel's the little girls' room.
Let's go.
Brand, where you going?
This is the men's room.
- Where you going? - The men's room, Mikey.
Yeah, we're going to the men's room.
Yeah, Mikey's been through here all right.
Andy, this is not the time nor the place.
Believe me, I know what I'm doing.
Brand! Brand!
Go see what she's ragging about, will you?
Brand? Hurry, I'm in here...
...with my eyes closed.
- Wrong way, lover-boy. It's this way. - Thanks.
Okay, you kissed, now tell.
There's something weird.
What? What is it?
Does Brand wear braces?
Why are you laughing?
Stef, it was beautiful.
Next time, kiss him with your eyes open.
It's a whole different experience.
Be careful. There's a hole, I think.
I think Brand was standing in it.
Ma, after we dump the kids, how do we get out? I ain't left no trail.
They're right around here. I can smell their bubble gum.
Ma, look. Give you three guesses who left this rope.
You all right?
What, are you crazy? They're here!
They're here? They're here. They're here!
Quiet. Right down there.
This way. This way! This way!
Come on, right through here!
Let's go, follow me. Data, come on, don't fall behind. Let's go!
Come on!
- Watch your step, Ma. - Watch your own.
Oh, God.
- What is this? - Keep going.
- Oh, great. - It looks like a boat mast.
Jerk alert!
Somebody's coming.
You there, Ma?
Hurry up.
- Data, hurry up! - Don't be a fool, Data, come on!
- I got a great idea. Slick shoes! - Slick shoes? Are you crazy?
Data, come on!
Good enough. I can see their flashlight!
Hi, fellas. Remember me? We just want to get out of here.
Stop or I'm gonna shoot!
- You'll start a cave-in! - What do you think that was?
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Hurry up with that flare! It's pitch-black!
- Do you have a match? - No.
I'll light it on the lamp.
- Cross now! - Wait a minute!
- Don't push, Jake! - I'm not!
Sweetheart, are you okay?
No.
These are all solid. Look at this. All solid.
What is that?
It's disgusting.
Wow.
Gnarly.
That's atrocious, you guys!
Help him! Help him! Hurry up!
What are you doing?
Stop playing around! They're getting away! What's the matter with you?
"To move on, play the tune...
...as each note is said.
If you make too many mistakes...
...ye will surely be...
- Be what? ...muerto".
- What is that? Come on. - Dead.
Oh, God!
We gotta play the bones to get out of here?
Exactly.
- They're on the bridge. - Hurry up!
- Look! There are notes on this. - Andy, you took piano lessons.
- I was 4 years old. - You want to live to be 17?
- Hit it! - What're you doing!
Finding middle C. This isn't like my mother's Steinway.
Do something, hurry!
This first chord, I think, is....
Go on, Andy!
My God, it's working! You did it!
- Way to go, Andy! Way to go! - It's all coming back to me. Okay.
A.
- C sharp, D. - Remember the lessons, play it right!
They're coming, guys. They're down there! They're coming out!
- What should I do? - All right!
They're coming.
You guys, they look really pissed off!
- What were you thinking? - I hit the wrong note.
- I'm not Liberace, you know. - Listen, you're doing fine.
Andy, I believe in you. Goonies always make mistakes.
Don't make any more.
Where was I?
- A, A flat. - Play it!
Hey, you guys, they're gone! They're not here!
I can't tell if it's an A sharp or a B flat.
If you hit the wrong note, we'll all be flat.
Oh, my God!
Go! Go!
Oh, my God!
Give me the gun. Give me the gun!
Let's go!
- Brand, wait! - What?
- What are you doing? - The map!
Let's get out of here!
Damn it!
Oh, shit!
Geronimo!
- Are you okay, Mouth? Andy? - Are you okay, Stef.
What?
- Oh, my God. - Oh, wow!
Oh, my God!
Oh, God!
- Follow me. - It's too....
I can't do it, Mama.
Idiot!
Hold on, you guys.
The water's really shallow.
You okay, Data?
You really think there's a treasure?
Andy, this whole ship's a treasure.
Mikey, look!
Don't worry. It's just a skeleton.
There's gotta be gold.
Data. Data's okay.
Data's okay.
Data's quite tired of falling! And Data's tired of skeletons!
- Why didn't you use the stairs? - Use the stairs!
Stairs!
The stupid guys tell me to use the stairs when Data's falling.
- If Data's hurt, nobody cares anymore. - Data's okay.
Then some guy tells me I have stupid inventions.
I've been spending months and months...
...studying on them and inventing them. God!
- Don't touch that. - Why not? He's dead.
- Have some respect. - Put that down.
How many ships were there?
- Billions. - Billions? Billions?!
Watch where you step, all right? Don't slip. Don't...
Mouth, translate.
Translate nothing. It's a sketch of the cannonball chamber.
Where's the gold?!
Where's the gold, Mikey?! I'm tired of these games!
I set off another trap.
Oh, God! I'm sorry. Are you okay? Are you guys okay?
Oh, my God!
It's Willy.
Break through.
- What's up there? - It's all right, Brand.
- Just give me a second. - Okay.
I know how these guys must've died.
It's Willy. One-Eyed Willy.
Hi, Willy.
I'm Mike Walsh. You've been expecting me...
...haven't you?
I made it. I beat you.
I got here in one piece so far.
That's why they call you One-Eyed Willy, One-Eyed Willy.
We have a lot in common, huh, Willy?
You know something, Willy?
You're the first Goonie.
Hi, guys.
How's it going? This is Willy.
One-Eyed Willy.
Say hi, Willy.
Those are my friends, the Goonies.
How long have you been there?
Long enough, Mikey. Long enough.
What are you staring at? Let's go, load up!
Anything that fits in your pockets.
Except that.
- Why? - That's Willy's.
Save that for Willy. Anything else.
Bye-bye, marbles.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Hurry up! Those creeps are still after us.
- That's right! What will we do? - I don't know. Who cares?
- I got an idea. - What is it?
I saw it on The Hardy Boys.
We leave a trail of jewels into one cave...
...and we hide in another.
When the Fratellis go into that cave, we make a run for it.
Now that sounds like a great idea!
- Outside! - Okay, this is war!
- Data, don't do anything! - No!
I said, outside!
- We won't be taken alive, matey! - What do you mean "we"?
Get Data!
It's not funny! She's got a gun!
Come on, snap to.
- Oh, I love that. - Come on!
Sneaking up on me, huh?
I know what I'm doing.
I'm all right.
Data's just unhappy.
Pinchers of Power.
- Get it off me! - Let me help you, brother.
- My gun! - That's it!
All right, no more Mr. Nice Guy. Let's go!
Empty your pockets!
Hurry up, empty your jewels! Come on!
You're so quiet all of a sudden. Aren't you called Mouth?
Oh, my God.
Is that all?
Oh, my God.
You gross old witch.
You want to play pirate? We'll play pirate. March!
- Keep going, smarty. - I can't swim with my hands tied.
We'll play pirates. Walk the plank!
Get out on that plank.
- Say goodbye to your little friends. - Brand!
Get out of the way.
Who's next?
Ow, will you stop pushing me?!
- You're pulling my hair! - You get that girl away from me.
Go join your friends, you weasels.
Hey, you guys!
Sloth! How'd he get out?
Sloth, save them! Save them, it's Mouth and Stef!
- Chunk. - No, it's Captain Chunk.
Give me the sword.
Captain Chunk says let's get the hell out of here!
The rope.
Jump rope, Slothy.
- What do you mean, "jump rope"? - You know, jump rope.
We're in deep shit now.
Oh, shit.
- Remember we went to the Bronx Zoo? - Don't start that.
- They wanted to leave you. I said no. - We never been to the Bronx Zoo!
Remember how they bought Francis a toupee instead of fixing your teeth?
- I don't wear a hairpiece! - You rotten bastard!
Here, grab on to the rock. Come on.
- What happened to your braces? - I don't wear braces.
Mikey, that little...
Heave-ho!
- I won't sing no more. - Just put us down safely!
I won't sing anymore.
Hey, you guys!
Mama.
Come to Mama, baby. Come on.
Ma...
...you've been bad.
Slothy, I may have been bad.
I may have kept you chained in that room. But it was for your good.
Aw. I used to sing to you.
When you were a little boy.
Fall!
Break!
Fall!
I only dropped you once.
Well, maybe twice.
Put me down.
- I don't mind dying. - Calm down.
- We'll be okay. - Sure.
I gotta rot with you through eternity? I don't want to rot with you!
Sloth, this is the guys. Guys, this is Sloth.
Brand, we can't go. We can't leave all that gold. That's our future.
If we stay here, we got no future. We'll come back for it later.
- All that rich stuff. - Come on!
Mama, just let us down easy.
Not the sword! Don't do that, we're gonna...
- You all right? - Yeah. You?
Yeah.
Will you get up?!
Let's go find the gold.
Head for the light.
Thank you, Mr. Willy.
Thank you.
You've made my day.
This is a real treat.
What the hell is this?
- Another one of those booby traps! - Booby trap!
Get out of here!
What booby traps?
Booby traps! Didn't you see the movie?
Leave it. Let's get out.
Look, you guys, daylight.
There's been a cave-in before. Maybe we can get through.
I can't see. Got a light?
I got the last candle. Mikey, get it.
Is there a way out or what?
This is a funny candle. It sparkles.
- It's not a candle, it's dynamite! - Dynamite!
Women and children first!
- You guys, push. - Push.
What about the loot?
What about our lives?
Can you do it? Come on, hurry.
Go!
Hurry up.
Sloth! Help us!
Sloth love Chunk!
I love you too. You'll get crushed.
Sloth, help!
Come on, Sloth!
Well, I'll be damned. It's them goobers.
They weren't here a minute ago.
- But they're here now. Call Harvey. - Yes, sir.
- Here! - Over here!
Get the camera.
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
I guess we're kind of in deep sh...
Look, you're a mess.
- Look what we brought you. - Oh, pizza!
- Your favorite. - Everything's on it.
- We were in the tunnels. - It's good to hear your voice.
- I lost my glasses. - It's okay.
Can I take piano lessons?
- You'll get ammonia. - It's pneumonia, Ma.
Get these pants off.
Hold it right there.
That's great, Dad.
Just watch this.
He's just like his dad.
I just wanted to say thank you...
...for offering to save my life and everything.
- What, what, what? - I wanted to say thank you.
Wow. "Thank you". A real moment.
Your voice is kind of nice when your mouth isn't screwing it up.
Yeah, well, thanks.
And you know, your looks are kind of pretty...
...when your face doesn't screw it up.
I'm just kidding.
Hey, Mikey.
You know, you're a great little kid... Person.
You keep kissing girls the way you do...
...the parts of you that don't work so good...
...they'll catch up to the ones that do.
- What? - Let her mother worry.
Oh, who needs it?
It's the Fratellis!
- Thank God you're here. - We need your help.
You're all under arrest. Let's go.
Don't shoot him!
- Look out, kid. - No! Don't shoot him!
Get them out of here. You don't know what you're doing.
These are the bad guys!
Those are the bad guys!
Put him down, Sloth. Put him down. It'll be all right.
Come on, Mama.
You have no idea who I am. You want to lose your job?
You're gonna live with me now.
I'm gonna take care of you.
Because I love you.
- I love you, Chunk. - Oh, I love you, Sloth.
Walsh, today's the day, so let's get this over with.
Irving?
- I'm sorry, Irene. - Come on, we don't have all day.
There's 50 houses to tear down after yours!
- Ease off, Brand. - Punk!
Sheriff, I want you to witness this.
Sorry, Dad.
We had our hands on the future.
But we blew it to save our own lives.
Sorry.
That's all right. You and Brand are safe with your mom and me.
That makes us the richest people in Astoria.
You're looking at the richest people in Astoria. Now sign it.
I'm sure gonna miss being a Goonie.
What's she saying, Mouth?
- No pen. - No pen?
No write.
No sign!
Don't sign!
- What's in the bag? - What is it?
Dad! It's my marble bag! The Fratellis forgot to check it.
I put the jewels in it. We don't have to leave the Goon Docks!
There'll be no more signing today or ever again!
Are those jewels real? How'd you find them?
Were your lives in danger?
- The octopus was scary. - Octopus?
- It was dangerous. - Walking the plank was scariest.
Walking the plank?
- Then we found the pirate ship. - That and the pirate's treasure.
- We were chased by the Fratellis. - That's enough.
- Telling more stories, Lawrence? - No, this time it's for real.
How do you think we got the gold?
Holy Mary, Mother of God.
- Look at that. - Oh, my God.
Folks, we're at Cauldron Point...
...and what appears to be a pirate ship....
Bye, Willy.
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